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Losing hope, but holding on all the same


#1

Is it just me or do a good of amount of normal people enjoy hiding from emotion? It is such a sucky feeling because when I show true emotion half the time others will want to find a way to fix it. Some even attempt, but never approach the struggle from that of an open minded perspective. The worse thing and I dont know if this is just my opinion, those people who decided to get sympathy over social media and what I’m referring to are not the passing of a loved one, or a break up but the petty complaints (I hope you know what I mean). The reason for my rant is that, after 3 emotional years, I may have a possible significant other but I have a bad fe3ling that my heart is two steps ahead of my brain and that decrease my chances of making this happen. I guess the Sagitarius (bday Dec. 9) in me has decided to show up… What i am wondering is should I just remain myself? Is there a level of emotional openness that I should stay at?


#2

Hey Italian, wow, now there’s a question “Is there a level of emotional openness that I should stay at?” Ummm, I’ve been thinking how to answer this. I’ve been burnt a couple of times by opening up to much, to the wrong person, at the wrong time because the levels are all variable from my experience. It’s a bit like any conversation, the things you’d maybe say to friends at the local bar are not the same sorts of things you’d say to your mother around the dinner table. Sometimes I find my filter doesn’t filter and I end up saying the wrong thing at the most inopportune moments. I think trust plays a HUGE part, opening ourselves up is a risk, so do you trust the people present with the subjects is a big thing. We may trust someone but just how open is TOO open and that really does depend. They say “Honesty is a good thing” but it can also be a destructive thing.
So in short, I’m not sure I can answer that.

Merl


#3

The textbook says that you first need to identify your own meaning and happiness in life. What you want and don’t want. Where you are willing to compromise and not compromise. All of those things that you require to be happy in life are your boundaries. Then you take those boundaries and share them with another person. From there you decide what you want to do next.


#4

@Merl : I’m guessing that you have begun to get a glimpse into my internal argument. The toughest part for me is the idea of managing the “emotional tab,” because i enjoy relating in both emotional and intellectual levels. Sometimes it turns people off from me and other times, those who care enough to keep with it, become great and dependable friends of mine.

@Occipital: That’s a deep and helpful analysis of it. The biggest conflict for me at the moment is the fact that i am making good progress in certain areas and am struggling to keep a continuously positive view of it. Maybe its just our nature to be a variety of people who enjoy telling our stories and, if I can manage it, I hope to continue being that kind of inspiration for others the rest of my life. After long enough Occipital I’ve felt myself fall into a good place in my recovery and that is part of why i seem confused, i don’t want the person that i’ve been the past five years to fade. With all the sh** ive gone through it has made me that much stronger of a person and I hope to never forget that.


#5

I hear you. Does it help to consider that nobody has every see our self-image? Whatever we sees as "us, nobody has seens.

If if you are happy with what you see, then enjoy it.

What other people see is their problem, so to speak.


#6

Italiansun91,

You state, “The reason for my rant is that, after 3 emotional years, I may have a possible significant other but I have a bad fe3ling that my heart is two steps ahead of my brain and that decrease my chances of making this happen.” From this statement and your questions it appears you are filtering lots of emotional material of experience through the unconscious or could be what you call your “heart.” The heart seems to be beyond what we intend to create and it also creates an opening to a hidden depth. The emotions within this, for me, are difficult to explain: something spontaneously, completely mysterious, and just beyond conscious control. And naturally we cannot live at such a high level of consciousness. For me, when I draw back from the inspiration or turn to enjoy the moment I lose the unselfconsciousness necessary to sustain this level of consciousness. The moment of inspiration appears can be maintained only in the act itself and the act appears to help transcend self-consciousness. Thus as soon as I become conscious of myself I lose the spontaneous quality of inspiration and then I become self-aware and introspective. So I am suggesting to not be painfully self-conscious, feeling socially inept and uncomfortable around your significant other, because self-consciousness cannot allow us to function well.

To answer your first question, “What i am wondering is should I just remain myself?” is I believe you should try to stay away from subjectivity and self-absorption. Emotions can create a tug into self-absorption, so this may take some courage to act without reference to what your feel. Try to learn to be yourself. I believe this will allow you to be touched and affected by your experiences, but not lost or swept away by emotional reactions. It is learning to keep your emotions balanced, present to your experiences and even present to potentially painful experiences. This being emotionally balanced, I believe, will give you the support you are seeking. When our emotions are balanced it appears to allow us to embrace life without being “storm-tossed” by every feeling. Thus every negative becomes a positive and every experience is worthwhile and valuable.

Your second question, “Is there a level of emotional openness that I should stay at?” I do not believe we can create a true concept or belief of emotional openness. We cannot do anything to be ourselves. From my experience, the more I try to become a particular image or emotional idea of myself, the more I lose the immediate contact with the rich and delightful contact. It seems to me it is best to let yourself fall into the creative flow, “fall in love” and allow yourself to partake in the wholeness of this life. The wholeness will be the source of everything and become the core of your identity, then creating and sustaining you always.

I suggest you learn to simply rest in being you and let go of any agenda that wants to sustain a particular identity. I believe you then will know what you give and what is being given is perhaps enough after all.